


Meds

by FishPrincess



Series: HSWC 2014 Bonus Round 5 [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, F/M, Language, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 17:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2859077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishPrincess/pseuds/FishPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was alone, falling free<br/>Trying my best not to forget<br/>What happened to us, what happened to me<br/>What happened as I let it slip."</p><p>- Placebo, Meds.</p><p>For HSWC Bonus Round 5. A response to a prompt by Dreamwidth user equiborn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mevious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mevious/gifts).



“Fucking shut up, just fuck you stupid ass, ugly bitch!”

All this time, she had been doing so well. She managed to keep it together, and the anxiety was under control. And now, all of that was being thrown away as she stared down at her matesprit on the ground. Her vision was blurring, like a switch in her head that ticked away the remaining time until she was eaten alive by the paralyzing hopelessness she had worked so hard to keep at bay.

“Don’t TOUCH me you fucking w-whore! I-fucking-fuck I hate this-“

His screaming is enough to send her mind into a whirlwind, hyperventilation jolting her breaths back and as the dizziness fell upon her like a subtle cloud. Tears welled in her eyes, her throat burning as she struggled to stand still. She needed to respond, she needed to be there for him as another episode wracked his body. She knew he meant none of it, but her mind forbade her from making the distinction between reality and the lies that tasted just as authentically as truth.

Her entire body shook, her fists balling and stiff, tears running down her face.

_What is going on? She needs to go, she needs to get out of here, she needs to run, she can’t do this anymore, but what if she leaves, what if people see her and what if they ask about him and she could never leave Mituna and she’s worthless if she’s actually considering leaving him over this when he can’t help himself and she’s just useless, useless, useless, but all their friends already know that and she’s worked so hard to keep up this fucking image but then everyone can see it and Mituna’s crying and it’s all her fault for not being able to JUST GET ON THE FUCKING FLOOR AND COMFORT HIM ALREADY, but she can’t, she can’t, she can’t move and she figures she can move if she tries and is this all because she stopped taking her fucking medication because she was supposed to be better in this she wasn’t supposed to SCREW UP LIKE THIS-_

Her defenses were down, her mouth startlingly dry, the sound of choked sobs filling the room while her fingers and lips began to grow numb from her dysfunctional breathing. Useless, useless, useless. His yelling started to die down naturally as she sunk to the floor, knees giving in before she allowed herself to lie beside him.

The way her muscles froze reminded her of the moment she found him bloodied and passed out, when she could have saved him, when she could have prevented this if only she was with him instead of trying to show off to everyone else.

She lied there, crying, for what seemed like a long time, the thoughts in her head so loud she didn’t even realize when Mituna stopped yelling, or when he crawled over to her and rested his helmeted head right on her breasts.

“I’m sorry, Tulip. I’m sorry, don’t cry, don’t- don’t cry, I’m sorry, you’re pretty. I’m sorry.”

As she came down, she listened to him speak, the repetitive nature of his voice calming her down. Maybe he needed a turn to take care of her. Regardless, she decided she needed to stay on her medication. If not for her, then for him.

And he was good enough of a reason.


End file.
